Concerning arguments on social media platforms (Facebook, especially) about the rights and lifestyle choices of LGBT+ people in Ghana, and any other place for that matter, I have noticed that a lot of the people who aren’t for it are quick to build their arguments around how ‘unnatural’ and ‘disgusting’ they think sexual activities between same sex partners are. This particular point is used more against gay men than it is used against gay women. Generally, homophobic attitudes and reactions are mostly directed towards gay men and I believe that the reason why this is so is a direct translation of how society differentiates between expressions of masculinity and expressions of femininity.
Masculinity, the set of attributes, behaviours, and roles traditionally associated with boys and men, is seen as superior to femininity, the qualities traditionally associated with girls and women. Women are perceived as weaker vessels, both physically and emotionally, in comparison with men and therefore it becomes an insult to masculinity that a man plays the ‘feminine role’ in sexual acts involving two men. To these people, sex involving two men is inconsistent with the positions and roles society has assigned to masculinity and femininity. This why you would find that one of the commonest questions straight people ask when a gay couple becomes the subject of a conversation is, “…so which of them is the woman”? To them, sexual relationships between individuals must always assume the form of a ‘man giving it to a woman’, not bearing in mind that even in sexual activities involving heterosexual people, there are a lot of dynamics to it, including instances where some women dominate and take charge of the course of the activity. My point here is that there are no ‘women’ in male homosexual relationships and bottoming in such relationships does not emasculate any man. People need to stop mirroring heterosexuality when trying to describe sexual relationships between queer people.
Moving on to the main issue I intend to address. In most of the arguments concerning homosexuality that I’ve seen, the people that like to use ‘gay sex is disgusting’ are mostly not able to submit any other point, intellectual or weighty enough, to back their stance against the tolerance and acceptance of homosexual people and their lifestyle. This leaves me wondering what the concerns of these heterosexual people are in trying to imagine how gay sex is like, because they clearly aren’t arguing from a place of thorough consideration of the matter. They only argue based on their lack of comprehension of how two men are able to get it on in the confines of their privacy, which really is an embarrassing display of willful ignorance because sexual intercourse, although an important activity, is just one of the many ways queer people express their sexualities. I am going to chip in a little friendly advice to all straight men out there who think that sexual intercourse between two men is disgusting. You lots should hold on a minute with your ill-informed perception, go out there and find that gay man whose body and intelligence you secretly admire, let him go down on your ‘boori hole’ with his tongue for you to actually have an experience of this forbidden pleasure and then come back with an opinion that we can consider taking seriously? Otherwise, here is some education.
The rectum and anus are rich in nerve endings. These nerve endings send stimuli to the brain and control the muscles of the rectum and sphincter. During sex, when the penis stretches the sphincter open and enters the rectum, it gives sensations of fullness and stimulates all the nerve endings in that area. This process floods the brain with pleasurable sensations. Also, because of the proximity of the prostate gland and the rectum, the prostate gland is able to sense pressure and thrusting in the rectum which produces additional pleasure. This is the basic biology behind why anal sex can be pleasurable. And just like how women take certain measures to keep their vaginas clean and odor free, there are ways gay men are able to prepare their anal canal and orifice to make the area clean enough for both oral and penetrative sex. When done right, couples can enjoy various types of stimulations of the anal area including anilingus and penetrative intercourse without any faecal matter coming out from the rectum to gross them out.
Finally, on this point, gay men do not owe straight people any explanations about gay sex (I am only writing this for the sake of the few straight men out there who are open to reason and like to be informed on issues before forming an opinion). However unpalatable the idea of gay sex is to straight people, it is out of their place to be concerned about it or to try to use it as a reason to invalidate the act.
Continuing from ‘gay sex is disgusting’, some people, in trying to make a bit more sense, move on to say that the act is unnatural, and they base this assertion on the fact that gay sex doesn’t serve the biological purpose of sex for procreation. While this is true, that gay sex doesn’t serve the biological role of sex for procreation, that argument is an intentional attempt to reduce the purposes and functions of sex to only procreation in order to invalidate gay sex. It is evident that, in a lifetime, the number times a heterosexual couple has sex for its procreative function is close to zero compared to the number of times they have sex for its other functions. There’s also the argument that the penis was made for the vagina and not the anus. Sigh! I will only address this point if those who claim it begin a national campaign against oral sex in sexual activities involving heterosexual partners, because going by their analogy, I can boldly say that the penis and vagina weren’t made for the mouth.
Constructive conversations concerning LGBT+ people and their lifestyles must, by all means, be continued and people with honest intentions who take interest in such discourses must desist from cheap, lame and derogatory submissions like ‘gay sex is disgusting’ because even if it is so, it is not going to be constitutionally mandatory for straight people to engage in it when homosexuality eventually becomes decriminalized in Ghana. Sexual intercourse is an important act in homosexual relationships and regardless of what some straight people think of it, gay sex is valid.
—
Taleeb Omari is an engineer by profession but a writer by passion. He is also a ‘retired’ christian hip-hop artist but is looking forward to making music again, this time, LGBT themed songs. His super power is the ability to involuntarily transform from being the awkward guy in the room into the coolest and then back into the former. He also hopes to own a pet dolphin in the future.
The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in this Op-Ed by the Writer are theirs alone and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Rustin Times.
