We are back with Out, Proud and African, our special Pride Month series that curates stories of Africans on the continent and in the diaspora who are out, visible and living their truths. We recognise that to be out as an African is not easy and we celebrate these individuals who are at the forefront of the fight for equality. Today, our feature is from Zimbabwean Social Visionary Keith Mqoqindlela Ndlovu. This is his coming out story.
ON COMING OUT
I have always believed in living a true, honest authentic life. I came out because of a number of factors. One being that I was well aware that heterosexual people were living their lives without a single apology. The authenticity I aspired to reach. While this authenticity showcases the beauty of diversity it also gives meaning to creation. I grew up not aware of other African Queer bodies in the media and in my local community because it was a taboo to shine a light on queer content, so even those that lived amidst us didn’t really show face because of safety reasons and fear of stigmatisation.
I questioned why I had to carry my desires differently from heterosexual people. It screamed inequality to me, it smelt like oppression and I did not see positivity in losing that battle. It was external forces speaking against my sexuality, so I wanted to explore the effects of my freedom on these people and the environment. To my surprise, nothing negative came up.
I also wanted to change the concept of visibility for the younger queer bodies that followed after me. I wanted to be who I wished I had seen growing up; a proud, confident African Black gay body pursuing his dreams. I came out because I grew to understand that my life is a political statement, whether I liked it or not. Coming out was simply continuing to live my life, but openly. I wanted to free myself of living a lie, I wanted to tap into a level of self love that could not be crippled by an external factor.
TO BE OUT AND AFRICAN
Being openly gay in the African context can be a deep source of emotional instability. We are a society that feeds hyper masculinity and fences freedoms of femininity. By the virtue of being cis male, I am expected to fulfill a stereotypical idea of what a man is and how he should behave. As an individual, I feel entitled to express myself in mannerisms that do not necessarily satisfy expected boxed up behaviours of specific sexes. However, this puts into question my taste in entertainment, dress sense, level of interest in sports and my physical appearance, which are mostly attributes usually used to measure masculinity and femininity. This often leads to detachment from one’s authentic idea of self, especially when one is openly gay.
Many claim that homosexuality is Un-African. When you carry your cultural background with pride like I do, your sexuality becomes a huge focus point because through misconceived knowledge about the history of homosexuality in Africa. Many believe it is the fruit of the Western settlers. In actual fact, the laws which were enforced by Western settlers criminalized homosexuality, which was not a legal problem before their arrival. There is rich history of gay experiences in the African community which consisted of adults consenting to these engagements. Finding a balance between embracing being African as well as being gay and proud becomes a challenge. One often feels like their culture does not necessarily belong to them because who they are is said to be unrecognised by the cultural beliefs.
Religious backlash faced by the openly gay person is most of the time life threatening. When you have experienced rejection, judgement and bullying all your life, the last place you expect the same from is a place of worship. What has been executed perfectly in the African setting is the installation of a mind-set of dependency on religion. This opens up doors to neglecting the human centric approach when dealing with people. Religious spaces turn their backs on openly gay people in most instances but would keep the secret of the closeted gay member who leads the choir. Our services are welcome, but we are expected to shrink who we are and conform to the religious spaces.
The life of an openly gay person in Africa is heavily political. To exist openly in a seemingly rigid community while challenging the status quo through visibility is politically charged. When you are openly gay, you stand for certain notions that are opposed to the misconceptions of society. This means that one becomes a duty bearer in curing minds of the communities. At the same time, you become a reference point because people anticipate your opinion and probe your perspective on queer related matters, sometimes in a derogatory manner and sometimes with intentions of learning.
Coming out has influenced my life positively because I experienced a mind-set shift of a large magnitude about my identity. I fell in love with who I am and started to appreciate being a gay person as a form of human diversity and not what religion and misconceptions of society made it out to be. Because of coming out and sharing my story, I gained self confidence, I started to envision a gay affirmative world where my sexual identity isn’t a weapon to tear me down.
It has built a desire to influence how other gay people see themselves, whether they want to come out or not. How we feel and think of ourselves is much more important than what the world thinks of us. When I overcame the concept of hiding my sexuality, it dawned on me that being ashamed, scared, and feeling unsafe is a common thread amongst gay youth. Observing this has influenced me to take a stand in various ways of working with other gay people, especially in terms of self affirmation, and dealing with unpleasant experiences we face in society. I took queer well being personally. I adopted the approach that every gay body is family, and I am a gay body’s keeper.
Coming out indirectly hands you a role of activism that one doesn’t necessarily sign up for. Being openly gay means you live a true and honest life. Society notices you, they question you, they challenge you, and you become the face of homosexuality in that community. Visibility is a huge form of activism and we often don’t pay attention to the power of merely living our lives. That is also a form of activism. This is before we even plot taking to the streets in protests.
CHALLENGES OF BEING OUT AND AFRICAN
Being a citizen of homophobic Zimbabwe, you are never really sure if your safety is guaranteed because the law is totally against homosexuality. Former President Robert Mugabe has taken to the podium and compared gay people to pigs and dogs. This speaks to the perception of the African community in relation to being gay. When you are open about it, you are the first target when such views are aired. Entitlement to other people’s bodies is of concern, rape cases have accumulated over the years and they go unsolved. It’s often gay people who live their lives openly that get targeted. Safety is far fetched and law enforcement is hardly vigilant with such cases. When you don’t trust the duty bearers (Law enforcement) and you feel unprotected by the justice system, you are utterly hopeless in that regard.
Opening up about being gay is also a way to invite people to know who we really are. Often times, our families are not accepting of us gay family members. This often results in gay people being disowned and in despair. I have personally had this experience, and it brought a great emotional disconnection from family. I carried hate for a long time. This obviously affects our emotional well being. Our mental health is threatened when one is emotionally unstable.
In a professional setting, when we are openly gay, we easily get stripped off of our capabilities, talents and accolades. A lot of gay people, even when openly gay, they choose to keep their sexuality a secret so to maintain the benefits of being perceived heterosexual. This doesn’t help in the long run because it contributes nothing to the gay movement. Instead, it feeds into the stereotype that heterosexuality is the only sexual variant that is worthy of recognition and respect.
ON PRIDE AND ITS IMPORTANCE
Pride for me means embracing and honouring continuous innovative ways of “re-humanizing” the queer body, regardless of skin colour, nationality, gender, religion, social status and sexuality. It means reaffirming my individuality in relation to that of others without imposing on them or feeling threatened by theirs.
Pride for me is a celebration of the sacrificial lambs that came before us and kicked down doors so we could have a history and reference points. It is the commemoration of the lives we have lost to HIV/AIDS, sexual orientation based killings of lesbians, gays and transgender men and women across the world.
Pride for me is also embracing the political stance taken by the heterosexual people who stand with the LGBTIQ+ community with a goal to fight injustice, discrimination and hate.
ADVICE TO MEMBERS OF THE LGBT COMMUNITY STRUGGLING WITH THEIR SEXUALITY OR GENDER IDENTITY.
What helped me to develop a sense of pride and confidence in my sexuality and gender identity was the network of queer people that I managed to weave. I got to meet people of different orientations under the LGBTIQ+ spectrum and familiarised myself with the challenges they faced, their success, the way they embraced their uniqueness and how they viewed the future for themselves and us as a community. This created in me an imaginable place for my kind in the world. It then made sense to me and I got the strength to humanize a queer identity. That way, I valued that I am a queer person.
Finding an LGBTIQ+ safe space; Usually there are centres in the cities that we live in that are structured to cater for the needs of queer people. In these centres, one can get counselling, participatory programmes, health care services and general information about leading a queer life. This would be strongly helpful because the information and services are provided by people who have used a queer centric design to execute their service delivery and approach to matters of the rainbow community.
A vast database of lived experiences of the queer community is well documented online and accessible world wide, it may not necessarily be all African data but there are commonalities. One can use this to learn about how some queer people dealt with challenges they faced. Usually, the obstacles in relation to sexuality are interconnected. Immersion into the experiences of other people who have been through what we are going through helps us to visualise the possible solutions to our situations. I relied on positive stories that I found online. I saw myself in the experiences. I envisioned a tomorrow that is inclusive of me through the pain and healing of others.
HOPE FOR THE LGBT COMMUNITY IN AFRICA
I hope for the LGBTIQ+ community of Africa, a reimagined outlook of the African people which is not influenced by the colonial perspective of existence. I say this because in present day, only one country out of fifty four recognises equal rights of its citizens between the heterosexual and LGBTIQ+ people. Most of these laws came into effect under colonial rule and decades after independence from Western powers, African people still govern themselves by these inhumane laws.
I hope for a mind-set shift in the population of the continent so that queer people are viewed as people deserving of equality. Each time I do research online about specific data relating to the African LGBTIQ+ population, I experience unpleasant hardships in finding relevant documentation; I hope for the documentation of queer experiences, by queer people, from a true and honest perspective without dilution.
I hope the economic growth of African queer people becomes a mainstream conversation. A lot of us that get disowned because of their sexuality and gender identity face hardships because of economic challenges. I hope for a strong, effective entrepreneurial network of African LGBTIQ+ people across the continent working together to catapult one another to economic freedom.
Last but not least, I hope for traceable positioning of queer figures in positions of power in order to have queer interests addressed and embraced. This will make it easier for organisations, projects, and activists working on the ground to relay relevant information and needs to responsible entities of governance in respective African nations.
You can follow Keith Ndlovu on Twitter and Instagram.
