We are back with Out, Proud and African, our special Pride Month series that curates stories of Africans on the continent and in the diaspora who are out, visible and living their truths. We recognise that to be out as an African is not easy and we celebrate these individuals who are at the forefront of the fight for equality. Today, our feature is from Ugandan activist, Qwin Fiona Mbabazi. This is her coming out story.
ON COMING OUT
I decided to come out because I got tired of living a double life; the pretense, covering up and coming up with numerous lies was suffocating for me. I needed to live my reality and with that, came with the fact that I am a lesbian. We are raised in an African culture where it’s a taboo to be LGBTQ but I knew it was only a matter of time before the questions and pressure of “where is your husband?” and “when will you start a family and have kids?” will be thrown at me and I didn’t want to be one of those girls that got married to men to keep up appearances.
I got blackmailed enough times especially at my job and it was either I give them some or they were going to out me! And when you are at such a bridge, you either jump or coward away and let people use your truth to exploit you – I chose my freedom; I outed myself. When you say and stand for your truth, you take away the power from the oppressors.
TO BE OUT AND AFRICAN
Life as an out African is challenging! I’ll be honest about it. Many doors are going to be shut in your face, people you know will shun you and it can be depressing and lonely. You walk around feeling like you you’re an outcast. The belittling and name calling won’t stop and you never know when it will escalate to physical harm. In fact, I keep telling my peers that unless you have thick skin to ignore the ill manner in which living as an open LGBTQ, take your time in coming out. It’s a harsh life on this open-gay street.
When I came out I realized there was two ways this could go; I could live and drown myself in all the negative and constant fear or I could put to good use this bad situation, so I choose to adapt positive pessimism.
I learned as much as I could about my LGBTQ people. I surrounded myself with them because this was healthy for my mental health. I started to feel like I belonged and finally I choose to fully get involved in serving my people.
My coming out and living openly has given me the most powerful tool that I use for not only myself but for every single person that is LGBTQ and faces the danger of being discriminated, segregated and persecuted because of who they are and that is ACTIVISM.
I acknowledge the fact that there are few open voices out there that are speaking out against the wrongs done to us and I wake every day determined to be part of those voices while at the same time educate those that are ignorant about LGBTQ issues and needs. It is one of the main ways we shall win the fight for equality.
CHALLENGES OF BEING OUT AND AFRICAN
I have had several losses from losing friends, moving homes, switching jobs to always living a guarded life. I’m very suspicious of every new person that tries to get close to me because I am not certain if you are for me or against me. My social life barely exists due to the insecurities that we face, and I must pretend that when someone makes a homophobic remark my feelings are not hurt.
I choose to give religion a break because I can’t deal with our African preachers misrepresenting the Bible or Koran by calling for the persecution of LGBTQ people instead of preaching for love for all.
I have heard a lot of how I am a loss to my family and my African culture due to who I am however I chose to draw the line – I am a proud African woman and no one can take that identity away from me. I’ll continue to wait for them to accept my sexuality and if they don’t, I have made peace with that as well.
ON PRIDE AND ITS IMPORTANCE
Pride continues to be a celebration and a rebellion for me on my motherland Africa. I celebrate every single LGBTQ African whether closeted or not; I respect and celebrate them because our lives are not easy to live. Pride Africa is a celebration for every single person and organization out there that is existing and fighting for our rights even though it is illegal in 85% on the continent
Pride also represents the resilience of our existence; the fact that we choose to stay visible even when they try putting up laws and harsh conditions to frustrate us, we fall, get back on our feet and continue to struggle for our existence. That I am very much proud of – our soundless rebellion.
ADVICE TO MEMBERS OF THE LGBT COMMUNITY STRUGGLING WITH THEIR SEXUALITY OR GENDER IDENTITY.
My word is that don’t look at your sexuality or gender identity as a mishap, you are perfectly normal and fine; just note that at the back of mind that we Africans hail from communities that have been misinformed by the religious people, mainstream media and the colonial rules that were implemented in the past to cause fear and division. You do not need to be prayed for or undergo any conversion therapy because you – we are normal and equal to our heterosexual colleagues.
You are not alone, there a million of LGBTQ people on our continent so try to find your kind and relate. Be knowledgeable about LGBTQ happenings for knowledge is power.
Lastly, security starts with you and the most important person you need to come out to is yourself; so take all the time you need.
HOPE FOR THE LGBT COMMUNITY IN AFRICA
Botswana has decriminalized consensual same sex conduct; and that is what I hope for; that every single LGBTQ African will one day cease to live in fear, segregation, discrimination and hate because of who we are and who we choose to love.
I hope that one day our families, friends and laws will protect us instead of crucifying us and that the general public will open their minds to understanding us instead of wrongfully judging and denying us our human rights and dignity.
You can follow Qwin Mbabazi on Twitter and Instagram.
