We are back with Out, Proud and African, our special Pride Month series that curates stories of Africans on the continent and in the diaspora who are out, visible and living their truths. We recognise that to be out as an African is not easy and we celebrate these individuals who are at the forefront of the fight for equality. Today, our feature is from Stéphane Djedje, who is from Ivory Coast and is currently doing his PhD on African MSM in Madrid. He also currently works with House Of Rainbow. This is his coming out story.
ON COMING OUT
I made the decision to come out because I wanted my mother to know who I was. I also decided to come out to say to young African black men and women who are attracted to the same-sex and gender that they are not alone.
TO BE OUT AND AFRICAN
It is great and challenging at the same time. My parents don’t ask me anymore when will I get married to a woman or when will I have children. I really cherish that because those awkward conversations, which are a waste of time, are avoided. It is about being in charge of your life. I love it. I do not waste time with family members, friends and spiritual brothers or sisters who spread negative vibes around me. I cut them from my circle as I do not tolerate “stupid homophobia”.
It is also challenging because you have to always watch yourself and try not to think that you are better than your African brother or sister who is not out. I find myself making sure that I respect other people’s journeys.
Coming out also meant that my education had to become a serious priority. I decided to invest my time and my money in the subjects of homosexuality – Spirituality and Sexuality; African Sexualities; Mental health; And Sexual Education.
I have also decided to live my life in my own terms. I will still have a very conservative life (marry, have children and be monogamous. I am a work in progress)
CHALLENGES OF BEING OUT AND AFRICAN
The first challenge was being Christian whilst being queer. We know how the Bible is used to bash people in the LGBTIQ community so I had to do a BA in theology to finally reconcile my sexuality and my spirituality.
There is also the need to constantly fight or correct someone who says something negative about people in the LGBTIQ community. I forget that it is important to know and choose your battles.
ON PRIDE AND ITS IMPORTANCE
Well, everyday is pride for me. From the moment, I open my eyes to the time I close them, I live my pride. Proud to be Black, African and queer. I do not wait for a specific month to celebrate who I am.
In Africa, we have so much work to do around the emancipation of sexual minorities that we cannot afford to have pride once a year. This is a luxury westerners can afford. We cannot do that in Africa. We have to deal with the babies of colonisation. We have to find ways to come together to fight HIV and AIDS. We have to find ways to end HIV stigmatisation. Homophobia, internalised homophobia and transphobia are growing and we must find contextualised ways to fight against them. So, we cannot afford to have Pride once a year. We have to stop going to pride and become Pride. We have some work to do.
ADVICE TO MEMBERS OF THE LGBT COMMUNITY STRUGGLING WITH THEIR SEXUALITY OR GENDER IDENTITY.
It is better to accept who you are as soon as possible. Because, sooner or later you will give in. It is what you are and you have to start loving yourself. You can love yourself without revealing it to someone else. You can do your coming in without doing your coming out. Most importantly, you have to find ways to love yourself.
HOPE FOR THE LGBT COMMUNITY IN AFRICA
My hope is a big one. I have visited the LGBTIQ communities in Gambia, Senegal, Ivory Coast (where I am from), RDC and Lesotho and I can say that people are working hard to be emancipated in their own country. The main challenge however is an economical one.
