Understanding suicide
Suicide comes from the Latin word suicidium, which literally means “to kill oneself”. It is most commonly understood to be the intentional act of taking one’s own life. The World Health Organization estimates that approximately 1 million people die each year from suicide all over the world. People of diverse age, gender, race, religion, sexualities, social class, education and financial earnings have attempted suicide and no specific marker has been identified as a driving force. Suicide tends to carry different traits depending on different factors which can range from culture to religion. Historically, and still today, suicide is considered a criminal offense and/or a religious taboo.
Suicide prevention starts with recognizing the warning signs and taking them seriously. If you think a friend, family member, colleague or neighbor is considering suicide, do not be afraid to broach the topic because talking openly about suicidal desires, thoughts and feelings can save a life.
Firstly, let’s debunk a few misconceptions about suicidal people
Myth: People who talk about suicide won’t really do it.
Fact: Almost everyone who attempts suicide has given some clue or warning. Do not ignore indirect references to death or suicide. Statements like “I am tired of this life…,” “I hope you forgive me for what I’m about to do….,”—no matter how casually or jokingly said—may indicate serious suicidal feelings.
Myth: Only crazy people commit suicide.
Fact: Most suicidal people are not psychotic or insane rather they are upset, grief-stricken, or depressed. It is also important to know that extreme distress and emotional pain are not necessarily signs of mental illness.
Myth: Nothing can stop a person determined to kill themselves.
Fact: Even the most severely depressed person has mixed feelings about death. Most suicidal people do not want death; they just want the pain to stop. The driving force to end it all, however overpowering, does not last forever.
Myth: Only cowards die by suicide because they were unwilling to seek help.
Fact: Statistics and studies of suicide victims have shown that more than 50% of suicidal folks had sought some form of help in the months prior to their deaths.
Myth: Talking about suicide may give someone the idea.
Fact: You don’t give a suicidal person deadly idea by talking about suicide, instead bringing up the subject of suicide and discussing it openly is one of the most helpful things you can do for such an individual.
Source: SAVE – Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
Suicide signs
Most suicidal individuals give warning signs or signals of their intentions. The best way to help prevent suicide is to be aware of these warning signs and recognize them and know what to do and how to respond if you spot them. If you believe that a loved one is suicidal, you can play a vital role in suicide prevention by pointing out the alternatives, showing them that you care, and getting a specialist involved.
Here are some suicide warning signs to be aware of:
Mood Swings – Suicidal people tend to have irrational and dramatic mood swings which often comes with anxiety attacks and mostly ends in depression. A suicidal person may also lose interest in day-to-day activities, neglect his or her appearance, and show big changes in eating or sleeping habits.
Talking about death and dying – Suicidal people always talk about suicide, dying, and/or self- harm. They often make statements such as “I wish I hadn’t been born”, “You fit no see me again…”, “All this will end soon…” and “I’d be better off dead.”
Looking for dangerous means – Suicidal folks tend to seek access to weapons, pills, knives, poisonous substances or other objects that could be used in a suicide attempt.
Preoccupied with death – Suicidal people tend to have unusual focus on death, dying, or violence. They may also write poems and/or stories about death.
Feeling Hopeless – Suicidal people have feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, and/or being trapped. They believe that things will never change or get better.
Deep rooted unhappiness, self- hatred – Suicidal people are overwhelmed with feelings of worthlessness, guilt, shame, and self-hatred. They constantly feel like they are a burden to their loved ones.
Putting their affairs in order – People considering suicide may try to get their affairs in order. They might make out a will, give away prized possessions and/or make arrangements for loved ones.
Saying goodbyes – Suicidal folks tend to make unusual and/or unexpected visits or calls to loved ones. They start saying goodbye to people as if they won’t see you again.
Withdrawing from others – Suicidal people tend to withdraw from friends and family. They crave social isolation and always have the desire to be left alone.
Engaging in Self-destructive behaviors – Suicidal people engage in self-destructive behaviors. They may resort to increased alcohol consumption and/or drug use, reckless driving, unsafe sex. They take unnecessary risks as if they have a “death wish.”
Reacting to a suicidal person
It’s natural to feel uncomfortable and afraid If you notice the warning signs of suicide in a loved one, but it is important to remember that anyone who talks about suicide or shows other warning signs needs immediate help. Talking to a loved one about their suicidal thoughts and feelings can be really challenging and difficult for anyone. So, if you’re unsure about the warning signs you are notching, the best way to find out is by asking them directly. Giving a suicidal person the opportunity to express their feelings can provide relief from loneliness and negative feelings and may in some cases prevent a suicide attempt.
Here are some ways to start a conversation about suicide: “I have been feeling concerned about you lately.” “Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing.” “I wanted to check in with you because you haven’t seemed yourself lately.”
Here are some questions you can ask: “When did you start feeling like this?” “Did something happen to make you start feeling this way?” “How can I best support you right now?”. “What can be done to best support you?” “Have you thought about getting help?”
Here are some helpful things to say: “You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.” “Call me or any of your friends when these thoughts occur” “You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.” “I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.” “When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold off for just one more day, hour, minute.”
We have highlighted a few Dos and Don’ts to guide us when talking to a suicidal person:
Dos:
Be yourself. Let the person know you care, that they are not alone. Sometimes worrying about using the right words are often unimportant during this time. If you are concerned, your voice and attitude towards their plight will show it. Listen. Let the suicidal person unload their burden and vent anger. No matter how negative the conversation seems, the fact that the conversation is taking place is a positive sign.
Be non-judgmental. Be sympathetic, patient, calm, accepting. Your loved one is taking a bold step by talking about their feelings.
Offer Reassurance. Reassure the person that all hope is not lost and that the suicidal feelings are temporary.
Take the person seriously. If someone makes statements like, “I’m so depressed, I can’t go on,” then ask them a direct question: “Are you having thoughts of suicide?” Remember you are not putting ideas in their head; you are showing that you them seriously and that it’s safe for them to share their pain with you.
Don’ts:
Invalidate their feelings. Don’t say things like: “You have so much to live for,” “Your suicide will hurt your family,” or “Look on the bright side.”
Act Surprised; Do not lecture them on the value of life or say that suicide is wrong.
Play the savior; Do not offer ways to fix their problems or give advice or make them feel like they have to justify their thoughts and feelings to you. You should remember it is not about how bad the problem is but how badly the problem is hurting them.
Play the fixer. You can’t “fix” someone’s depression. You are not responsible for another person’s happiness. Source: Metanoia.org
Offering help and support to suicidal individuals If anyone you know is suicidal, the best way to help is by offering an empathetic and listening ear. Let them know that you care, and they are not alone. Don’t take responsibility for their pain.
For a suicidal person to get better, they have to make a personal commitment to their recovery. It takes a toll on our mental wellbeing witnessing a loved one dealing with thoughts about ending their own life. This can stir up many difficult emotions, so don’t forget to take care of yourself while you’re helping a suicidal person. Speak to someone preferably a professional about your feelings and get support of your own. Do everything in your power to get a suicidal person the help they require. Encourage the person to see a mental health professional, help the person locate a treatment facility and/or take them to their doctor’s appointment. If the doctor prescribes medication, make sure your loved one takes it as directed. Be aware of possible side effects and be sure to notify the professional if the person seems to be getting worse. It takes patience and persistence to find the right medication and/or therapy that’s right for a particular person.
People contemplating suicide do not literary ask for help and don’t believe they can be helped, so you will have to be more proactive at offering your assistance. Don’t wait for the person to call you or even to return your calls. Drop by, call again (back to back if possible) and/or invite them out for a walk. Encourage positive lifestyle changes, such as exercise, a healthy diet and plenty of sleep. Exercise is very important as it releases endorphins, relieves stress, and promotes emotional well-being. Help the person develop a set of safety plan they promise to follow during a suicidal crisis. This safety plan will include the identification of any triggers that may lead to a suicidal crisis. It should also include emergency contact to call in the event of an emergency. Remove potential means of suicide such as poisonous substances, pills, knives, razors, and/or weapons. If the person is likely to take an overdose, keep medications locked away and/or hand them out to the person on when needed.
Even after the immediate suicidal crisis has passed, stay in touch with the person and continue to support the person, check in or drop by periodically to see their progress.
