October 11 is National Coming Out Day and we at The Rustin Times are excited about celebrating individuals in the LGBT community that are out and living their truth. We recognise the brave men, women and gender non-conforming persons who are living their truths in a world that is already hard for them. We also know that coming out is in different phases – from being out to just family and friends, to take it on a much larger platform. Even if you are out to only one person, we understand the courage it takes to be able to be visible and that is a huge deal in itself.
This year, we have partnered with Love Matters Naija to celebrate everyday Nigerians who are out and living their truths. We are sharing these stories with their permission and we hope their honesty and truth inspires you.
“How I came out to my Sister”- Ayo
She already had enough proof of my sexuality and there was no point in lying.
I called her out for a walk, I said yes I am gay, and I have been this way for as long as I can remember. She found it hard to accept and she said it was impossible. She cried and I felt terrible, but I made sure we kept talking. I told her later in the future I will like to settle down and have a partner. I added that I hope we remained close.
For a week, we weren’t as close as we used to be but as of now, we are as close as ever.
My come out – Nessakem
Let me out she cries, she lives a lie as time flies.
Dress up girly her mum says.
She dresses up just to make her mum proud.
She like some waiting to be sold.
She dreams of a colourful world in her mind and is afraid to let the world know.
Scary thoughts of a lifelong prison called marriage.
Will they accept me? Will they love me like this?
Why can’t I change? Why am I the only different one?
I’m happy this way why can’t they see it?
She’s clustered up with so many thoughts, so much that she can’t breathe.
Tears on her pillow enough to fill up a well.
She tells her parents they say she’s not well
You are condemned for hell to her they tell.
She’s finally free but still not accepted.
She still has these thoughts of a world where she can finally hold hands and not be afraid.
Nowhere is safe, she wants to not only be legally accepted but to become socially acceptable.
These rainbow tears keep on flowing until we are accepted and not tolerated.
I came out of not just the closet but a prison hole. I was under pressure to get married to make the society proud.
I was going to be thrown into something I have never dreamed of.
It took the balls I never thought I had to let an aunt of mine who has lived in the UK for years because I felt she would understand.
Lucky me I was far from home when I told my mum. I remember vividly how many times she called the name Jesus.
She said you are a disappointment to me, “no child I give birth to can be like that”.
“You are no longer my child “, that ended the relationship I had with my mum.
To cap it all, I didn’t know rumours already got out about my sexuality and I became a hot topic.
Friends messaged to know if it was real, I came out of my hiding place to them and although it was just words and I was not close to them but it felt like they spat on me. I lost friends, I lost family and I have nowhere to go to.
The only family I have is my aunt and my fight to get asylum here in a foreign country.
Every day and every meeting I go to is like a come out again.
“My awakening” – Olusoji Oyewole (@Lagos_Latebloomer)
I was suspended. It was a precarious time in secondary school, teetering between the wobble ends of the adolescent bridge; rummaging through the hideous core of my subconscious to unearth the cause of this suspension: you have been flatly forbidden from bringing mobile phones to school but you brought it along, anyway.
There we were, huddled about, exploring the content of each other’s phones. I was indifferent about the situation and considered my classmates stupid for our indiscretion. As I thought to leave, our principal appeared.
‘You saw them fiddling with foreign objects and you didn’t think to report them. You have also broken the rule, join them!’ Mr Olusoji said in the presence of four other classmates, pretty girls who went unpunished while the rest of us were sent home.
Three weeks suspension because I shared the same first name with him and he expected me to be his eyes and ears, a snitch amongst my colleagues.
We all know the possession of telecommunication devices by students is strongly condemned in this institution because it is an unhealthy distraction to your studies. These students managed to sneak these devices into our facility, and as if that wasn’t rebellious enough, they were caught watching x-rated videos. We have summoned their parents.
I was hit by a wave of lethargy.
My breath tipped out of me in fast trickles.
They phoned our parents…
While on suspension I stayed up to date with my school work by borrowing notes from a classmate, one of the pretty ones that Mr Olusoji absolved despite being present around the phone. She lived in my neighbourhood. It was the third Saturday of my three-week suspension and I went to pick up the last batch of class notes. Her front door was ajar, I entered, trudging through the foyer of their three-bedroom apartment when I saw them in her sister’s bedroom: two female figures nibbling on each other as they gingerly undid their clothes.
I stood still admiring the tender collision of two similar bodies.
I was thirteen… My awakening.
“I lost everything” – Razak Obajinmi
Coming out to my family was such a traumatic experience and I had to do it repeatedly; each time was just as traumatic as the other. The first time I was around 18/19 in high school and this time it was by accident. One of my older sisters caught me using her credit card to purchase gay porn and she lost her mind. I can remember that day like it was yesterday. I was half easy through Queen of the Damned when all hell broke loose. My sister has always been quite a detective so, she matched her account statement to the computer history and BOOM! She knew it was me! She pretty much walked up to me and my other sibling and laid out her findings on the table. I couldn’t deny any of it. I remember being so terrified of her telling my parents that for a long time whenever Queen of the Damned is on TV my heart skips a beat. When she did tell my parents I was told that I was sinning going through a phase.
The most traumatic and final coming out was my sophomore year in college. I had just met my boyfriend at the time a few weeks before winter break and we decided along with my best friend and his boyfriend that all four of us were going to move off-campus. So I went home and informed my parents of my plans to move off campus with my best friend but conveniently omitted our boyfriends but my mother not to be outsmarted asked me why I was moving in with another guy and further stated that she couldn’t help but think that I am still gay because she never met any of my girlfriends.
At this point, I saw no point in continuing a lie and I just simply confirmed what she was already suspecting and what did I do that for? My father gave me two choices one was to stop being gay and move back home where they can pray the gay away or leave the house and never come back home. Well, I left their house that day and did not look back for two years. This move did come with dire consequences because they stopped paying for everything! I had to figure out how to continue to pay for my education. With the support of my guardian counsellor and friends, I was able to graduate nursing school. If I had to do it all over I won’t change a thing.
