Today is May 17th and around the world, the LGBTIQ community and their allies commemorate the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia. The purpose is to draw attention to the many injustices the global LGBTIQ community experience and also celebrate the resilience of the community in the face of opposition.
Alongside the global theme that is Breaking the Silence, The Rustin Times has curated true stories about how folks are dealing with homophobia, transphobia and biphobia. These stories are part of our #ChooseLoveNigeria campaign that is focused on not only highlighting the issues but also getting allies to take action and do more in speaking out against the discrimination faced by the LGBT community.
Here are the stories we have curated for IDAHOBIT 2020. The names have been changed to protect the identity of the individuals involved.
Ronke’s Story
The year was 2018 and I had just got invited for a job interview. I was excited because I had been floating for a bit and I needed something stable. I was also confident because I had the experience in the exact role they wanted so I was sure it was going to be a breeze. The day of the interview came and I was invited into the office where I met a man who I knew from my previous place of work through my former boss. I was happy he was one out of the two people interviewing me mainly because he had seen my work and he knew I had a great work ethic.
The lady, on the other hand, was calm and professional and proceeded to ask me a series of questions which I answered accurately. After a while, we all started talking, laughing and the interview was slowly becoming one of the best interviews I have been in until she asked for my social media handle. I was a bit hesitant because I follow a lot of LGBT+ people and I had a rainbow flag in my bio. I decided to open up to her and I could see a change of expression on her face as she went through my profile. She spent a little more time than I would have anticipated and I think this is because she was going through my followers. She looked up from her phone and asked me if I was a Christian and I said I was agnostic. She also asked what the rainbow flag meant to me and if I was “a homosexual.” The question threw me off balance and I asked if it mattered as it had nothing to do with how effective I’ll be able to carry out my job.
Finally, she stepped out with the man I knew and after a few minutes came back and said in their exact words “we don’t hire your kind.” I asked what they meant because I was confused and they said they were religious people who didn’t hire homosexuals or atheists.
I felt bad because I knew I had nailed that interview and now they were going to hire someone who probably wasn’t as qualified as I was. This is just one experience out of a few others and it’s sad because we know how crazy the labour market is. It is almost like to be qualified and gay means you aren’t qualified at all. We have to be able to create safe spaces for LGBT+ people in the labour market. No one should be denied access to employment because of their sexual orientation. We need to do better as a people.
Emeka’s Story
Many people find it difficult to understand how anyone could be comfortable sleeping with both the male and female genders because, as far as they can tell, LGBTQ people are reduced to just sexual intercourse.
Ironically, though, the biphobia amongst homophobic Nigerians hasn’t been any different from the same spared for gay people: a typical homophobic Nigerian is too dumb to even ascertain the difference between being bisexual and being gay.
However, I have experienced a cold resentment in some gay quarters, because being bisexual is regarded as being a “gay-wannabe.” And, that makes it, even more, hurting for someone who, already, is in a battle with navigating their identity.
Also, allies, especially male, are the most terrible. They are on your side when they need to show that they “are Liberal” and do not mind being supportive of, and being friends with people from the LGBTQ community. But the moment they need to tick the societal box for masculinity, which subtly involves detesting effeminate and Queer men, and tolerate lesbians because they are considered “fuckable,” they have nothing good to say about bisexuals. As far as they are concerned, it is confusing and a far cry from the ‘considerable abnormality’ – being gay.
There is a lot of work we need to do to unlearn biphobia. There needs to be an alternative narrative to the idiotic misconception that being bisexual makes you susceptible to cheating because you are attracted to the male and female sexes. It is a dangerous trope.
As much as there is an ongoing narrative that being queer is normal, there is a somewhat lacking lacuna that inhibits many Nigerians from associating queerness with bisexuality. For some people, only being gay and lesbian is queerness. Even queer communities need to address the inherent hatred for bisexual men by gay men. From my personal encounters, many bisexual men are ‘tops’. And, unless we pretend not to notice, there is a resentment for unyielding tops by bottoms and versatile gays. Imagine hating someone for something they have no power over?
Among some ‘allies,’ female bisexuals are seen by many men as women who like other women because of something that must have happened that led to their distance from men for a protracted period of time. Male bisexuals are also seen, in the grassroots, as I have seen, as men who, perhaps, went to jail and couldn’t find women. As such, to curtail this anomaly, it is necessary to make sure that allies are people who are genuinely interested in advocating for a society where it is okay to be queer, and not just predators who are only interested in sexualising queer people, and even harassing them for sex.
While it is easy to earmark heterosexuals as the major problems of bisexual people, it is imperative to acknowledge the biphobia, just like the transphobia, that exists even in queer circles, where there is an incomprehensible hatred for bisexual people, many bisexual people are considered inconsistent. We have a lot of work to do.
Aisha’s Story
My experience with homophobia has never been violent, most times people make the assumption about my sexuality because of how I express myself with my clothes and then decide how best to interact with me – either by overwhelming condescension, slurs or by obvious avoidance.
When I first moved to Lagos, I was looking to rent a two-bedroom apartment with a coworker I was friendly with. In the course of conversation one day at work, a male coworker asked her if she really intended to live with me considering I might be a lesbian and a good Christian like her shouldn’t be associated with someone like me. She asked him why he thought I was a lesbian and he said my ideologies were too liberal and I was too self-assured for a woman. I had my earphones in so it was easy to act like I couldn’t hear their conversation. I found out weeks later that she had gotten an apartment alone without telling me and I knew it was because she didn’t want to share a house with me if I was a lesbian.
There is a lot of education and sensitization that we need to actively do to help deal with homophobia in Nigeria. It is important to teach people (especially children) early enough about sexual orientations, gender identities, diversity and equality.
Visibility is also very important. “Gay people, we will not win our rights by staying quietly in our closets.” I read this somewhere, and I know not everyone can afford to be visible and out in a country like ours but I think an important step in solving the problems of homophobia and discrimination is being visible. We need to make LGBTQ issues so visible that it becomes absurd for the general population to deny our existence.
Tom’s Story
Transphobia is the attack/discrimination against a person in any way, shape, form or for any reason that is based solely on the disclosure of a person’s trans identity, and it is never harmless. I have experienced transphobia in a range of scenarios. From the way strangers on the street question & decide my gender based on my their perception of me as I walk past them, to witnessing evidently ignorant conversation amongst people, sometimes fellow queers, reducing the validity of trans people to the validity of their genitals. It is having to witness unnecessary condescending conversations like how it’s a preference “to date or not to date trans people” and the subtle talking tos/retorts I endure from some family members. I remember the time where an aunt said to me with such confidence that I should change the way I dress because she’s certain that my dressing is affecting me and making me see myself as a man. That by dressing like a man, I’m rewiring my brain to think I’m a man thereby affecting myself mentally & causing my attraction to women.
It is very important for us to stick up for trans people, conversations and issues respectfully whenever the opportunity presents itself. I feel that the act of engaging and correcting misconceptions can be effective in reducing transphobia. It is also important for not just community members, but also for allies to speak up when they see a trans person being misgendered or misnamed. It is also important not to let transphobic rhetoric slide because they think it’s “funny” or they think this person’s “cool.” We need to correct misconceptions and find ways to engage people/transphobes in effective, educative conversations, using respectful terminology when referring to trans people on & off social media while remembering that it is not an ally’s place to drown out the voices or misrepresent those they’re allying with.
These conversations are important, especially with people who may struggle to see that trans people are human, valid & deserving of rights just like them. It’s never ok to be transphobic in any way or form even when it may appear “harmless“ and it is important to recognize and call out all forms of transphobia when we see it. I believe that situations like these; bigotry, discrimination, are everyone’s business regardless of those who may say it’s not and the community/allies should get involved by using their privilege in these situations to stand up for those without privilege.
Do you have a story to share about how you deal with homophobia, biphobia or transphobia? Share them in the comment section or on Twitter with #ChooseLoveNigeria. We also going to be in conversation with OluTimehin Adegbeye on Instagram at 2 pm and SHADE by 5 pm.
