In commemoration of Non-Binary Awareness Week, Delani Okoye writes about what life is like for Non-Binary people who reside in Nigeria.
In the past month, conversations have travelled all over the internet on the topic of gender, sexuality and sex. A lot of these conversations were sparked by tweets made by J.K Rowling on gender-affirming surgery and while these tweets and the conversations that followed were mostly drenched in ignorance for some parties, conversations were still being had.
Growing up in Nigeria, the thought that any other gender could exist besides the binary seemed a bit out of the ordinary to me. I remember having conversations with people and seeing the shock register on their faces when I’d say some people don’t want to be limited to the conventional gender binary and want to live freely outside those constructs. I understand that it took me a while to get to this place in my life and I think it might even be longer for the larger society. However, it is necessary to have these conversations because non-binary Nigerians exist and we need to move from a place of ignorance as a people to a place of knowledge.
For Fred, a Non-binary Nigerian, the larger society is still grasping with the realization that there are other identities outside the gender binary. “I don’t know that they even have any “conceptions” about being non-binary but I would imagine they think it’s for people who don’t identify as any gender at all which is true in some cases but there are a lot of other labels under it which include bigender, genderqueer and so on.” In a separate conversation, Ogochukwu seemed to buttress this notion stating” Frankly, I do not think most Nigerians (LGBTQ+ folks included) understand gender. A lot of people are still stuck with their secondary school biology definitions. Non-binary genders are barely acknowledged, let alone people having misconceptions”.
Misgendering
Misgendering is a big issue that plays a part in the lives of non-binary people. Nigerian writer Akwaeke Emezi who identifies as a non-binary transgender person has had to call out news outlets a couple of times for misgendering them in articles. Few have apologised and edited the piece but others like Essence Magazine just decided to take out the gender from the entire piece. British Singer Sam Smith announced earlier that they identify as non-binary with a post on Instagram and pleaded with fans in that post to make an effort not to misgender them. They also said in an interview with Zane Lowe that they know that it will take a while for people to get used to changing their vocabulary with regards to pronouns and they might get misgendered for the rest of their life.
In my conversation with Samuel on how they handle misgendering, their answer was “Although I pass for cis, and I do get misgendered, it doesn’t really affect me. I don’t tell cis people that I’m non-binary, because I’d have to start explaining things, and that’s stress. I just let them think what they want and I brush it off.” The idea of “passing as a cis-man or woman” plays a part in misgendering and Ogochukwu raises that issue in our conversation. “My gender identity plays a huge role in my outward appearance. It’s helped with the dysphoria over the years. Most of the time, I pass as a cis-gender woman, and that’s usually fine when there’s some connection to being a woman. Sometimes I do get annoyed when I get addressed as a woman, or only a woman, or just the assumption of being cis-gender, but I have learned to live with it. I don’t know how healthy that is, but in Nigeria, one learns to pick their battles and survive.”
“My pronouns are She/Her and They/Them. I do not enforce the use of any particular one, although most people address me with She/Her for obvious reasons. I’m cool with it.” Ogochukwu said.
Navigating Corporate and Social Spaces
For queer people, work environments is a struggle on it is own and social situations can get awkward with people who don’t understand the person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. For non-binary Nigerians.finding balance and moving through both spaces comes with its challenges.
“My pronouns are He/She/They. It’s structured such that I can’t be misgendered however I do have awkward feelings towards my other pronouns not being used at all in my work environment. I haven’t had the conversation with them because I’m still thanking my stars that they know I’m Queer and still want me.” Fred shared during the interview. “As for my social circles, the people that matter alternate between pronouns because they know how important it is for all of me to feel seen. The rest of the world already uses whatever pronoun they like anyway.”
“Cancel the gender binary”
The conversations around gender in Nigeria will continue however there is a need for education on these topics. Ogochukwu believes a good start is to cancel the gender binary.
“Gender is not binary; neither is sex, to be honest. Also, creating and sharing helpful resources and for those questioning their gender will help. It’s not in your head – science proves it.”
Fred also wants people to approach the conversation wanting to learn more. “It’s totally okay to ask questions and it’s okay to not have the answers yet. It’s okay to decide to adopt a label right now and change it later on when you have a better understanding of who you are and who you want to be. It’s also okay to decide you don’t want to be labelled. Pay close attention to your life. your past, your present, read books. Watch films. Enjoy art. The rest will come to you.”
For these Non-Binary Nigerians, the hope is that more Nigerians will come to the understanding of the concept of gender identity. In Samuel’s words: “Labeling what gender you are isn’t necessary, but knowing yourself is”
Delani Okoye is a freelance writer based in Lagos, Nigeria.
