When homophobes say we need to act this way and that way before we are accepted, they are trying to say our lives are in their hands; that they can do and undo our humanity. It is laughable because we are the same humans, deserving of equal rights and opportunities as them. Same humans that are capable of cohabiting on earth, living freely without fear of being nabbed based on our sexual orientation. Every day, people are killed, nabbed, battered, but when they are done based on sexual orientation, it becomes a huge problem that needs to be looked upon, reexamined, and checked. A problem that can be curbed by dismantling dehumanizing laws in place to subjugate queer people. We understand the world is not perfect and humanity is flawed, but when a problem is systemic, it calls for urgent solutions.
Some LGBTQI persons, also help in perpetuating this likeability politics. On social media and out of social media, they join in conversations about how queer people should not be defined only by their sexuality. They believe that if we are not devoid of tingly evidence of our sexuality, we will be accepted by society. That we should be more than having sex and the “gay” title should not be what represents us. This is not how life is structured. Denying that sexuality is not part of anyone’s life, is trying to pretend heterosexual people don’t rub their sexuality on people’s faces. We are trying to pretend, stifle ourselves and if we are accepted based on that, as times go, we began manifesting out of the comfort zone which we had been moulded into, we will return to the same injustice we had always faced.
But, moving forward, we are all defined by our sexuality, from how heterosexuality had been structured; it’s a cishet world. In the Patriarchal society, we elevate being married, being in a relationship when we are of age, so why should it be different from gay people? When heterosexuals see themselves, they ask about their family, wives, husbands, etc, barely caring about their personal developments, works, etc. Why should it be different for gay people?
Thing is, they do not want our sexuality to be part of us because they are disgusted about seeing us encroach their spaces: happy, living to our full selves. Why should we play likeability politics to people who are disgusted by our personal lives? We don’t want to be accepted wholly based on their personal preferences, we want to be seen as human as them. Because to them, their own public show of affection is a default setting and we must live only to the full laws made by them.
I know a few queer people on social media. Sometimes, they post Bobrisky pictures, caption it with a long message, on how homophobes will not trample on her because she is more than her sexuality. It’s classism at its pure finest. It’s a shame we don’t respect people without picturing their wealth status. Bobrisky is much of her sexuality. This same Bobrisky talks, breathes, and lives inside queer representation inasmuch as she uses it for her own benefit. Poor people are not poor because they don’t work hard. There are a lot of poor heterosexual men, going about their lives, having sex, discussing sex, without them inferring they are all about their sexuality.
Why must we be different?
To homophobes, on likeability, we don’t want to be liked. We want to be seen as full human beings. We want our rights, regardless of your personal feelings. Likeability had never helped. And lastly, gay men pledging full allegiance to men, in form of solidarity in bashing women/feminists, is not our win. It is a win for the cis-heterosexual men. We will be killed, harmed, and ostracized at any slightest opportunities if we don’t dismantle the system that enables and elevates them.
Obinna Tony-Francis Ochem writes from the comfort of his tranquillity, exploring the theme of gender, class, sexuality, climate change and shape-shifting monsters. His works are published in Moskedapages, Kalahari Review, Punocracy Longlist ’19 & 20, Tush Magazine essay finalist and The WorkBooth magazine. He was a finalist for 2019 Quramo Writers’ Prize for his manuscripts, Deep Ocean, and one other finalist. He blogs at www.obynofranc.wordpress.com. He tweets @obynofranc. His article, How to be a Nigerian Gay Man, was longlisted for Punocracy Prize for Satire.
The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this Op-Ed by the Writer are theirs alone and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Rustin Times.
