The search for identity is so crucial and often long-winded for members of the LGBTQ+ community, especially during their youth. There are over seventy different gender identities but because being cisgender and heterosexual is considered the norm in our society, it can be difficult for people who do not fit into these ‘boxes’ to find accurate terminology to describe their identities.
When a person is demigender, it means they identify partly with one gender and another gender. Queer in the World, a blog dedicated to informing and connecting people with the LGBTQ+ community defines demigender as “a partial, but not a full connection to a specific gender identity or the idea of gender.”
Like almost everything else, being demigender is a spectrum and any one can exist on any point of the spectrum either as a demi boy, demi girl, demiflux, or demi androgyne. It is important to note that being demigender differs from being demisexual, demiromantic, pangender, and bigender. Demigender exists in a world of its own and contrary to common misconception doesn’t fall under the nonbinary identity. These identities might seem similar, but the differences no matter how minute or large help people accurately identify and define themselves.
In conversations with Nigerians who are demigender I discovered that the repressive and violent queerphobic laws in existence means that their identities are often overlooked and downright mocked making it hard for them to claim their identities. Adesola, a 22-year-old demi girl who lives in Edo state recalls the messages from cisgender friends to her after coming across her pronouns on her bio. “One told me I could never use ‘they/them’ as my pronouns as long as I had breasts because breasts made me a woman. Another friend asked if using they/them pronouns meant I was an animal, a ghost, or nonexistent.” She went on to say, “living as a demigender person in Nigeria comes with the fear that your experience is incomprehensible and inexpressible”.
Since you can’t tell whether someone is demigender by looking at them, observing their personality, or their physical aesthetics, many demigender people like Adesola experience constant misgendering and questioning about their gender identity because they do not present androgynously. For some of them, their binary pronouns are used more frequently than they’d prefer.
Demigender people in Nigeria do not feel a sense of community, which makes it harder for them to get information concerning their identity and as a result, there is little to no representation for them. However, despite limited materials, queer people have been able to find ways to get and send information that will help others with discovering their identity and give them a feeling of validity.
According to Felix, a 19-year-old demi-boy who lives in Lagos, “It was hard for me to come out as demigender because there were no resources available for me to read up and know more about it. I had to depend on Google and Zoe Stoellar’s Instagram account”. They went on to say ” I wish more people were speaking about this gender identity because that would help more people to come out as their true selves.”
Ny an educator on all things demi gender speaks on the effects of not being seen as your true self, “having to constantly explain your identity can lead you to feel isolated and alone. There is always a spiraling depression and self-hatred over the worry that no one will ever understand and that they don’t care about you for who you are. This is one of the main reasons I decided to start an Instagram age to educate and raise awareness about the demigender identity”. “The demigender identity isn’t something new, it has always existed and people are just finally finding the words to describe who they are.” they add.
Education, visibility, commemoration, and appreciation are all critical in promoting global acceptance and acknowledgment of queer identities and queer folks in general. With more people discovering themselves and fitting into the demi gender spectrum, it is safe to say that there is a growing community here in Nigeria.
Prism, is a 23 year old demigirl from Lagos Nigeria. Ey is currently studying to be a child psychologist and also serves as one of the Girl Talk ambassadors for Nigeria.
