Becoming:
At 28, I am Agim GeeJay—a Safety and Security expert, community organiser, Human Rights Activist, and a proudly out trans man living in Nigeria.
The journey to understanding and embracing my identity unfolded gradually, sparked by my attendance at an event organised by the Women’s Health and Equal Rights Initiative celebrating women’s day. I, identifying differently at the time, encountered the term “Transgender” during one of the sessions at this event exploring queer terminologies. The meaning of the word resonated deeply, sparking an insatiable curiosity that led me to immerse myself in transgender experiences, absorbing personal stories and seeking knowledge wherever I could.
This self-guided education transformed my ability to articulate my thoughts and feelings about my identity. Self-acceptance, however, wasn’t instantaneous but an ongoing journey marked by introspection, reflection, and unwavering support from those around me. Recognizing self-acceptance as a continuous process allowed me kindness and patience with myself, fostering openness to new revelations each day and enabling an authentic exploration of my identity.
Transitioning:
Around 2018/2019, my journey toward self-acceptance involved social transitioning. At this time I was already masculine in my presentation so social transitioning involved aligning my pronouns with my gender identity and introducing myself as a man in social settings. Prior to this, my circle of friends, all presenting as masculine, affectionately referred to each other using terms like “bro” or “guy.” This familiarity made it easier for them to adapt to my pronouns, preventing any misgendering when I came out to them as a trans man.
Initially, I was uncertain about navigating medical transitioning in Nigeria due to the country’s numerous anti-LGBT laws. However, on August 7, 2021, I decided to embark on this transformative journey, a decision I now confidently regard as one of the most rewarding choices of my life.
Transitioning comes with a multitude of emotional challenges, underscoring the crucial need for a stable support system. My friends and partner hold a special place in my heart, providing unwavering support during the rollercoaster of this journey. Particularly, my partner has exemplified remarkable patience and solidarity throughout my medical transition, profoundly easing the process. With a relationship spanning six years, she’s been there through my highs and lows, even aiding in the administration of hormone shots to make the experience less taxing. Her enduring presence has been an invaluable pillar as I navigate this transformative phase of my life.
For safety reasons I chose to live stealthy, particularly among unfamiliar acquaintances, consequently, this approach often leaves people unaware of my trans identity. The process of transitioning has been profoundly transformative, enabling me to harmonise my external self with my authentic identity.
Coming out:
Part of my journey involved coming out to my immediate family. It was an emotional whirlwind, laden with fear, anticipation, and a glimmer of hope. I prepared for various reactions, recognizing that acceptance wasn’t assured. Though I was scared, the weight of concealing a fundamental part of my being was so heavy it became imperative to embrace authenticity. Also, my love for my family and the yearning for them to understand the real me overshadowed the fear of rejection.
Prior to coming out, I ensured I could live independently and support myself. With time, I gained self-reliance and the confidence to chart my own path. This newfound independence empowered me to share my truth with my family.
To my immense relief and gratitude, my family’s response was one of acceptance and love. Their initial shock was cushioned with grace, and their willingness to comprehend and support me marked a turning point in our relationships. Their acceptance reinforced the significance of honesty and authenticity in fostering genuine connections.
While coming out posed challenges, the positive outcome strengthened our bonds and fostered a more open, understanding dynamic within my family. I consider myself fortunate to have a support system valuing love over judgement.
Reflections:
Reflecting on my journey as a trans man in Nigeria, I recognize its non-linearity. There are several things I wish I had known before starting this process. Finding healthcare professionals knowledgeable about transgender issues in Nigeria proved nearly impossible. I wish I had grasped the importance of seeking specialists in endocrinology and mental health who could offer tailored support. Additionally, changing my name and gender marker on official documents was more complex than anticipated. I wish I had understood the specific steps and potential challenges involved to smoothen this process. Effective communication of my needs and advocacy for myself and the community is also something I wish I had learned sooner.
Despite the challenges, this journey has been a profound learning experience, fostering resilience in the face of adversity. A support network of friends sharing similar experiences taught me the true essence of community. Educating those around me about trans-related issues and sharing my lived experiences empowered me, fostering understanding and acceptance within my immediate circle. Embracing flexibility has also allowed me to navigate the process more gracefully, understanding that timelines and outcomes may not always align with preconceived notions. So I’ve learnt to be patient with myself, with the people around me, and with the societal changes that are needed for a broader acceptance.
Hopes:
My hopes for transgender individuals in Nigeria revolve around equality, acceptance, and inclusivity. This encompasses legal frameworks explicitly safeguarding transgender rights, access to culturally competent and affordable gender-affirming healthcare, an education system inclusive of gender diversity, and legal recognition of different gender identities.
Self-discovery should be an accessible, ongoing experience for every trans person, just as it has been for me.
