For Feranmi, the awareness of their gay identity preceded the understanding of the term itself. Initially, they never felt any sense of wrongdoing associated with their feelings. However, during their time attending church while at boarding school they encountered the term “homosexuality” and came to comprehend it as a label for their emotions. This newfound knowledge collided sharply with the teachings within their church community.
Shocked by the church’s portrayal of homosexuality as an abomination, Feranmi grappled with the stark contrast between these teachings and their own familial environment. Despite their father being a preacher, discussions about homosexuality as a sin were conspicuously absent both at home and during his sermons.
As Feranmi immersed themselves deeper into the church community, observing people’s reactions and the church’s staunch stance against homosexuality, their perception of LGBTQ+ identities began to evolve. The conflicting messages between the church’s teachings and the reality of diverse sexual orientations and gender identities initiated an intense inner conflict, one they found challenging to reconcile.
In the intricate tapestry of human existence, the intersection of sexual orientation, gender identity, and religious beliefs often presents a profound and multifaceted challenge for many individuals within the LGBT+ community. For queer individuals who hold religious convictions close to their hearts, the journey towards self-acceptance and integration often weaves through a labyrinth of conflicting emotions, societal expectations, and personal beliefs.
Prism, a queer Christian, recounts, “The jolt of encountering overtly homophobic teachings within the church struck me profoundly in 2022. Having been raised in a church community that preached acceptance and love for all, I felt deeply wounded when the priest unexpectedly launched into a homophobic tangent, completely unrelated to the sermon. It shattered my understanding of the guiding principles I had grown up cherishing.”
At the heart of this conflict lies the clash between personal identity and religious teachings. For many, the doctrines of their faiths may perceive non-heteronormative orientations or gender identities as incompatible with their religious tenets. This creates an internal struggle between embracing one’s authentic self and adhering to centuries-old religious dogma.
The Weight of Societal Expectations
Societal pressures amplify this inner turmoil. In many cultures, especially in conservative or deeply religious societies like Nigeria, being queer and religious can feel like occupying two conflicting worlds. The pressure to conform to societal norms while grappling with one’s authentic identity can lead to isolation, fear, and internalised shame.
Within the queer community, there’s a sense of shame when disclosing one’s Christian faith, just as it’s challenging to reveal one’s queerness to the Christian community.
“My journey within a religious community while navigating my sexuality and identity has been a profound evolution marked by both growth and challenges. One significant struggle I faced was reconciling my genuine self with the teachings of faith. There were moments when these teachings seemed incompatible with who I truly am, creating a deep inner conflict. Alongside this personal battle, there was the arduous task of dispelling stereotypes and misconceptions about the LGBTQ+ community within my religious circle. It demanded extensive and respectful dialogue to emphasise that love, empathy, and understanding should form the basis of our interactions.” Feranmi says.
“Feeling like I belonged in that space was another challenge, especially when inclusivity wasn’t explicitly expressed within religious teachings.” They add.
The Journey to Reconciliation
The path to reconciling these seemingly irreconcilable aspects of identity is a deeply personal journey. Some individuals navigate this terrain by engaging in reinterpretations of religious texts or seeking inclusive interpretations within their faith traditions. Others may distance themselves from their religious communities, seeking solace and acceptance in more affirming spaces.
Feranmi shares their personal struggle, “Growing up, I felt unloved by God due to misinterpretations of the gospel among Christians. This belief deeply affected my mental health, leading to self-harm because I struggled to understand why God would create me and then call me an abomination for being myself. Accepting my same-sex attraction was a huge challenge because the teachings I learned suggested it clashed with my faith, causing intense guilt and shame as I tried to align my feelings with what I was taught.
Turning to religious figures in my community for guidance only added to my inner conflict. Many interpreted sacred texts in ways that condemned relationships outside the norm, making it harder for me to find peace within myself. I distanced myself from the church for a while, feeling unworthy to return until I could rid myself of what they considered ‘sin’. I tried to change to fit in, but it didn’t work.
However, I felt a strong pull towards Christ, leading to a personal encounter with Him. This experience made me embrace my whole self and understand my identity in His love. It motivated me to return to church despite the conflicting teachings. This journey involved deep exploration of sacred texts and diverse interpretations within the religious landscape. Though it’s an ongoing process, I remain hopeful that progress towards love and acceptance within faith is possible.”
Prism’s strategy to integrate and reconcile eir faith with eir identity as a queer person is not much different from Feranmi’s.
“In church, I’m selective about what I internalise as God’s teachings, understanding that my religious journey is a personal connection between God and me, free from external influences. At times, I grapple with feelings of conflict, consumed by thoughts of being deemed a sinner. Yet, I remind myself that the Bible invites all to come as they are, not solely as cisgender heterosexual individuals. If God embraces me as I am, extending an invitation, then I cannot be considered a sin.”
When asked for an advice ey wish ey had as a queer christian navigating eir faith Prism says; “It’s crucial for queer Nigerians navigating similar struggles to embrace their faith and identity wholeheartedly, recognizing that this self-acceptance is what truly matters. Validation in one’s faith doesn’t hinge upon approval from religious leaders or anyone else.”
Finding Sanctuary and Striking Balance
Despite these challenges, many queer individuals find solace and strength within their faith, viewing it as a source of hope, guidance, and spiritual fulfilment. Creating spaces where faith and LGBTQ+ identities coexist harmoniously —spaces that celebrate the beauty of diversity and provide support without judgement or condemnation becomes crucial.
However, it is not as easy striking this balance as Feranmi explains: “I wouldn’t exactly say I have found a safe space in church but I’ve been fortunate to connect with some amazing people. At my local church, I’ve found a circle of Christian friends who fully accept me for who I am. Because I am very in touch with my masculine side, I feel relieved attending church dressed as I choose without facing judgmental stares. I’ve also had conversations with them about the LGBTQ+ community, and they’ve shown genuine curiosity and openness to understanding more. Engaging in these dialogues within my religious community has unveiled considerable acceptance and support for individuals like me. Though I can’t claim it is entirely without reservations, as they still uphold certain biblical teachings regarding the topic of homosexuality, their willingness to learn and cultivate greater acceptance and compassion towards the LGBT+ community is important to me.”
In the absence of physical safe spaces in church, some queer christians are building online communities that seem to have a wider reach.
“I discovered supportive online havens for queer Christians, easing the isolation in my journey. One such platform is the ‘Our Bible App,’ facilitating connections among Christians based on their diverse identities. I’ve joined the Black, trans, and queer Bible community, engaging with fellow individuals sharing similar intersections. Additionally, I’ve found inclusivity within an online community named Dignity USA, providing a welcoming space for all.” Prism says.
The Way Forward: Embracing Complexity with Compassion
“There have been instances within my religious community, even among its leaders, where I’ve felt a genuine sense of understanding and acceptance. It’s been a recent shift, but a deeply reassuring one. Witnessing this acceptance has brought immense relief, showing me that not everyone in my community perceives my identity as conflicting with our faith. These encounters have profoundly impacted me, granting a newfound peace with who I am and affirming that love and acceptance can coexist harmoniously with religious beliefs. It’s a powerful reminder of the potential for progress, fueling my commitment to staying true to myself within the framework of my faith.” Feranmi reflects.
In the midst of these conflicting realities, it becomes imperative for society to foster empathy and understanding. Empowering individuals to navigate their identities—both spiritual and personal—without fear of rejection or discrimination is pivotal. Encouraging dialogue, education, and inclusivity within religious spaces can pave the way for a more compassionate and accepting future. The journey of queer individuals within religious communities calls for a reevaluation of religious institutions’ attitudes towards LGBTQ+ individuals.
As society evolves, embracing the richness of diversity becomes a necessity for a more inclusive and compassionate world—one where individuals can proudly hold both their queerness and their faith in the embrace of acceptance and understanding.
