Introduction
Leaving Nigeria was an imperative decision influenced by various elements, yet it was homophobia that served as its core. In my home country, being queer meant concealing my identity beneath layers of fear. Nigeria’s societal fabric wasn’t woven to embrace differences like mine so I always felt stifled. Everyday was shadowed by a looming threat of violence and harassment from both state and non state actors. The tipping point arrived with the ENDSars protests, an eye-opening moment where I witnessed the harrowing treatment of queer individuals by fellow citizens. The subsequent government-led massacre solidified the truth I couldn’t ignore: leaving became synonymous with survival.
My name is Jumoke Doe, and in Nigeria, homophobia loomed over my life like a haunting shadow. My journey represents a search for refuge in a land where acceptance and safety are promised—a place where I can breathe freely without fear of judgement or harm.
The Journey
The road to this new haven has been filled with hurdles and far from an easy journey. After a brief stay in the United States, I made the decision to seek asylum in Canada in January 2022. While I anticipated challenges, reality surpassed my expectations. For ten months, I resided in a shelter, grappling with the complexities of finding employment due to the lack of “Canadian work experience.” Additionally, the seizure of my passport at the border left me without proper identification, relying solely on photocopies to prove my identity whenever necessary.
The journey to obtain refugee status is filled with uncertainty and anxiety. It’s a maze of paperwork, interviews, and an endless waiting game. The constant unknowns about whether I’ll be granted refugee status or asked to leave are overwhelming. I constantly feel uneasy. The time spent waiting for my Refugee Claimant Document to apply for proper identification was particularly challenging. Every visit to a bar or purchase of alcohol meant explaining my situation to strangers, a task that weighed heavily on me.
Despite paying taxes every month, I’m unable to access provincial health insurance or other benefits while waiting for my claim to be approved. However, The Canadian government offers a modest allowance to cover my day-to-day expenses. Though it’s not substantial, it exceeds the support I ever received from Nigeria.
Residing in a shelter and enduring this prolonged separation from family and friends has proven to be the most challenging aspect. Being “abroad” is a profoundly lonely experience, and the inability to travel and reconnect with loved ones is deeply painful. Living in shelters also exposed me to racism and sexual harassment, leaving me to feel like just another statistic. Despite the existence of human rights on paper, the reality is marred by numerous microaggressions that refugees like me encounter daily.
Future Plans, Hopes and Fears
As an asylum seeker, it seems like my future aspirations have come to a standstill. I’m living day by day, uncertain of what lies ahead. It’s been a year since I arrived in Canada, yet the date for my hearing remains unknown. The inability to travel or plan weighs heavily on me. The prolonged isolation from my friends, siblings, and chosen family leaves me feeling trapped in certain respects.
My greatest fear is the thought of being forced back to Nigeria. My life here in Canada despite the challenges is immensely fulfilling and enriched. The freedom to express affection, to kiss the woman I care for, and share intimate moments is profoundly liberating. The thought of reverting to a life of concealment terrifies me. Going back to the closet feels like a potential loss of not just my sanity but my entire life.
Throughout this journey, I strive to nurture hope within me. Attending therapy sessions weekly is part of that effort. So is staying updated on immigration information. I actively volunteer at various nonprofits to show my commitment to the community I’m a part of. Volunteering has been a beacon of positivity, allowing me to forge friendships and gain valuable job market experience.
During moments of distress, I seek guidance from those who’ve taken a similar path, grounding myself through their experiences. My friends play a crucial role in upholding my hope, reaffirming the significance of establishing and maintaining a robust support system as an asylum seeker.
Conclusion
The asylum process continually challenges my patience as I navigate through bureaucratic complexities while shouldering the weight of my past trauma. The idea of starting anew in a foreign land brings both excitement and trepidation. I wrestle with the relief of escaping persecution and the uncertainty of what the future holds. But within this uncertainty lies a glimmer of hope, a beacon for a life where I can live authentically without the shackles of fear.
Canada isn’t just a destination for me; it’s a symbol of hope and acceptance. It represents a chance for me to rewrite my story, to be seen and embraced for who I truly am. The LGBTQ+ community here thrives openly, a stark contrast to the closet I once hid in.
While navigating the complexities of seeking asylum, I’m mindful of my privilege in escaping persecution in Nigeria—a privilege not everyone shares. My earnest hope is for Nigeria to overturn its anti-homosexuality laws, paving the way for a future where everyone, irrespective of their sexual orientation or gender identity, can live without fear or discrimination. Until then, I urge anyone who finds the strength and opportunity to leave Nigeria to consider doing so.
The journey ahead might carry uncertainty, but every one of us deserves a life where our identities aren’t a reason for persecution. We all deserve a home where we can freely and wholeheartedly embrace and express ourselves without any reservations.
