For black folks who are part of the LGBTQIA+ community, the term “stud” holds a unique place, often associated with masculinity, confidence, and nonconformity. While the image of a stud may conjure up impressions of youthful vigour, there exists a rich and often overlooked narrative of older individuals who proudly identify with this label.
When I met Jay* at a queer event specifically created for black queer folks, she had a warm presence exuding such confidence that could only come from being settled in one’s identity. When she said she was Nigerian, my first thought was I had never met an older queer Nigerian. In this conversation with her, we delve into the experiences, challenges, and wisdom of a sixty-year-old masculine-presenting lesbian, shedding light on the intersection of age, identity, and presentation within the black queer community.
Jay, a vibrant and charismatic individual, has spent six decades navigating the complexities of identity and self-expression. She identifies as a stud, embracing the term as a reflection of her most authentic self. “Being a stud is not just about how you present yourself externally,” Jay explains. “It’s about owning your identity, embracing your masculinity, and living your truth.”
Throughout her life, Jay has witnessed significant shifts in societal attitudes towards LGBTQIA+ individuals, experiencing both acceptance and discrimination along the way. “Growing up in Nigeria presenting the way I do was often met with hostility and proved to be such an isolating experience,” Jay recalls. “But over the years, we’ve made tremendous strides as a community.” Despite the progress, Jay acknowledges that ageism remains a prevalent issue within the community, with older individuals often facing erasure.
When asked about the challenges of navigating identity in later life, Jay speaks candidly about the pressures of conforming to societal expectations. “As we age, there’s this notion that we should ‘act our age’ and conform to traditional gender norms,” Jay explains. “But for me, embracing my identity as a masculine-presenting lesbian is about rejecting those expectations and living authentically, regardless of age.”
Despite the challenges, Jay remains resilient, drawing strength from her community and the richness of queer Nigerian history. “We are not the first to live and identify ourselves in ways that oppose society’s norms, we stand on the shoulders of those who came before us,” Jay says, reflecting on the legacy of queer ancestors who paved the way for future generations. “Their courage and resilience inspire me to keep pushing boundaries and challenging stereotypes.”
I spend almost half the night talking to Jay, and as we delve deeper into conversation, Jay shares insights gained from a lifetime of lived experience. From navigating relationships to embracing self-love and acceptance, Jay’s wisdom transcends age, offering valuable lessons for individuals of all generations. “At the end of the day, it’s about living authentically and embracing who you are,” Jay emphasises. “Age is just a number – what truly matters is the journey you take and the impact you make along the way.”
My conversation with Jay reminds me of the diversity and resilience within the LGBTQIA+ community, particularly within the Nigerian queer community. It serves as a reminder of the profound journey from queer youth to queer adulthood and underscores our collective responsibility to cultivate a society that fosters safety and acceptance, ensuring that every LGBTQIA+ individual can not only survive but truly thrive in their authentic identity.
It reminds me I am not alone and as we fight for liberation and as we honour the contributions of queer individuals past and present, there is a need to also recognise the voices of older community members like Jay, whose stories and experiences enrich our understanding of identity, love, and belonging.
*Names have been changed for anonymity.
